Expectations, expectations, expectations. I think we are in the kitchen, where we deal with chores, and hoping that things will go as smoothly as they did at work, where people are paid to behave... or they can risk getting fired. Problem is that's not what happens at home. We all act out and then get to the point where we wonder why we're so stressed we could pull all our hair out and scream.

In the book, one of the women said, "I quit and thought I was going to be the best domestic goddess ever" and instead it was harder than she thought, half the time dinner didn't get made or the laundry done, and she felt disappointed in herself. Her house was a mess, her friends all seemed to have it together (their houses were all neat, the snacks homemade and the kids well behaved!) and it made her feel bad. Meanwhile she is trying to work from home half time and it became a way of feeling like she wasn't doing either well.

It's typical to want to ace the "home life" the way we did the career track, but most super achievers are good because we are hypercritical. Now it's just more personal. But our expectations are easier to measure at work than at home, where people don't always do what we wish, kids sometimes get a bad grade, or mess up the room we just straightened up, or refuse to eat the dinner we so lovingly shopped for and cooked and spent time on. The truth is that at the office, people are paid to behave well, and at home, no one is, which means there are lots of outbursts or unpredictable and even unproductive stuff happening.

But this can be a good thing. The kids should act out, be independent, and need to find their own way, and we are supposed to guide them but not be the boss of them.

Negaspeak is a way of planting a seed of discontent, which then helps us plant the patterns of change. Lets assume you want to either spend more time on your work projects and not worry that the house is a mess, or ask you spouse for more help, or enlist the kids to clean up after themselves. Listen to your inner voice and let it point you to little changes that will have big impact.

Your key process is It's not Either/or... It's Both/And. What we mean by that is: you don't need to think EITHER you're a domestic goddess OR a career gal... You can think: I am BOTH a domestic goddess AND a career gal. And the conflict between these two parts of your life is okay. . . even if it means things are always perfect all the time. So you can sometimes have a physical mess, and that's fine, or you can leave your desk to go watch a school event, and that's fine also. You're not going to always have everything going right. You have to be fine with that. Conflict is okay. In fact, it's part of life.