Love, Purpose, and Life's Little Imperfections > "Messy" Friend
One of our key processes is "acting out" which is actoing in a way that is negative, without actually expressing it verbally. This is what she did and now you have a choice... to ignore her and thus act out yourself, or to confront her and tell her how disappointed and hurt you are. Keep in mind she is likely to deny the betrayal (few of us can own up to our flaws and faults) but if you are in the fortunate situation where she is honest about it you may be able to salvage some of your friendship and rebuild.
This sounds like a case of it's not Either/or ... it;'s both/and. You can both be angry and be friends, on some level, in the future, even if you choose not to confide in her and be totally trusting the way you once were. But since your kids are pals and you live next door it is likely she will be in your life for the foreseeable future. It'd be easier for both of you and your kids and mutual friends to find some workable relationship, even if it's not a close or intimate one as it once was.
I would say: tell her you were hurt, or choose to just move forward and be friends in the way you can be comfortable, but your decision to be "done" with her is unrealistic with the realities of your proximity. You can be done in the old way (by putting those memories behind you and moving on) and have a new relationship that is just acquaintances and polite, in order to keep the neighborly feeling all around.
Lucy Danziger
I have a friend who has totally betrayed my trust. I confided in her during the most difficult time of my life. She lives next door to me and my family and I have to pass her house each day when I pull out of my driveway to go to work. Our children play together. If I forgive her, will I be able to not be angry and hurt by what she's done? WIll I be able to keep it from affecting my life, the "nine rooms" of my life? So many times in the past people have hurt or betrayed me and I never confronted them but this time I can't just turn the other cheek. As I said, I will forgive her because I know for my own conscience and in my heart that's the right thing to do but forgetting will take a little more work. The part that hurts the most is that she knew how hard it was for me to let her into my life and she knew why that was hard for me and yet she made that conscience decision to do what she did. Should she expect me to be friends with her still? Because I just can't possibly do that! I am done with her.