Love, Purpose, and Life's Little Imperfections > Friendships and trust issues
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I realised some time ago that many of my issues began as a small child. I had a best friend called Lorna when we were at pre-school. When we went up to the next class she stopped being my friend and I felt so rejected as I didn't have the confidence to make friends with the other kids. At lunch break I went into the toilets and cried, the teachers found me in there after the break had finished - it's stayed with me ever since.
For as long as I remember I've had problems making new friends and I think it all comes back to that early experience as well as being bullied between the ages of 10 and 16. Even my own sister has spent years telling me that I'm not worthy of anything (whilst all the time insisting that she loves me cos I'm her sister!) I'm now 32 and moved back to my home town 6years ago, I've not really made any new friends in that time other than people I work with and don't socialise with outside of work as I'm single and they're all middle aged married men. I'm pretty much on my own all of the time except for the occasional cinema trip and dinner with my best friend, or time with my family who I'm probably far too close to.
I also have major trust issues as I don't tend to trust people who've wronged me. A possible 'BFF' decided to tell some fellow colleagues about my personal life and totally broke my trust so even now that she's begging for my friendship I can't bring myself to tell her anything personal. My ex-boyfriend has spent months ignoring me and now suddenly wants to be friends again.
There are clearly plenty of voices in the basement that have my attention and I need to start ignoring them. I also need to find a way of meeting new people now - my peers are married and having babies and while I don't want children I don't want to spend all my days and nights alone either. All this while hoping Mr Right will find me. How to clean this room?