I am a work in progress...

Every now and then I find myself getting frustrated or impatient or expressing some discontent about something at work, and these days a few of my closest colleagues are in a position, having read the book, of playing it back to me! They'll remind me of something we wrote, of a Key Process I need to use at that difficult moment, and I'll laugh. "You guys are teaching ME how to use my own book!" and then I realize that is a very good thing. The language resonates and the Key Processes work. One day an editor said: You have to use the relationship equation here! Another time in a meeting we all decided that Conflict is okay! I love it. When I am stressing the book still helps me every day. I am a work in progress, just like every one else. 

Writing a happiness book is so ironic: everyone looks at you as if to say, Who made YOU the happiness expert? Well I am a woman who wants to be happier and I have learned so much, in my life, with my co-author Catherine, and in talking to hundreds of women. Am I "there" yet? Of course not. No one could be happy all the time. It's just not human nature. Seeking and striving and trying to do better is the human condition. And that's a good thing. But I am feeling more equipped to deal with the little things that bring me down, in every "room" my emotional house. And you will be too.

This book doesn't "make" you happy, as we write in it. Only you can do that. But we give you the Key Processes to make it easier for you to be happier and less apt to allow the little things to get you down. Or, as I like to say it, "strip your buzz." So hop on in to these pages and check out The Nine Rooms of Happiness. It's there to help you. It has certainly helped me.

A key process for every room in the house

Lucy here: When my husband finally read the book (I didn’t let him read it while I was writing it, nor anyone else in my family for that matter, since I didn’t want feedback that might change the point of view in the book; I wanted it to be entirely mine and they could live with the outcome), he had an observation: women and men think differently, and women, it seems, do not like conflict. I felt like saying: Duh! We hate it. In fact we will go to great lengths to avoid it, but we’ll also beat ourselves up with worry and stress, replaying conversations in our head, ruminating about situations By embodying that stress, bringing it inside, heaping regret upon ourselves, we can hurt our health and happiness. Instead of being direct we act out, withdraw in, and in most cases what would have helped would have to discuss the mutual responsibility, rather than call the friend who’s mad at us and discuss things, even if you agree to disagree (a version of either/or, not a case of both/and. It applies at work, in our extended families, in our romantic relationships.  The truth is conflict is there, it’s just under cover. Better to air it and move ahead, pleasantly.

This Key Process:  It’s not Either/Or … it’s Both/And! Basically it means: You can choose to both agree and disagree, you can both love the person and be upset. At work when you collaborate you can enjoy the process of building on an idea, accepting and rejecting creative solutions; in fact it’s the push and pull that helps you reach a better solution.  At home, where it’s personal, you may be fighting with a loved one and still act loving. As in, “I can both love you and be mad about one thing.”

And of course it also means that it’s possible to be happy and have a good day, even when someone—a friend, a sibling, a spouse--is upset with you or you are upset with someone else. Conflict is okay. In fact it’s part of life. 

So I was prepared to both like what I wrote and be prepared for family members who didn’t love how they were depicted. And guess what? My hubby liked the book. Now, for my brother, mother, father, friends, and everyone else who may read it and find things they disagree with in these pages, about themselves. I’m prepared. Conflict is okay.