In life, there is rarely “certainty” or one right answer, or as Ben Franklin said: “Nothing is certain in life except death and taxes.” We believe there are several ways to make decisions about love and life and your future, and we can offer some guidance. But know this: there isn’t just ONE person out there who is “the only one” and while you can believe you found your soul-mate, the truth is you can be happy with different people in different ways at different times of your life. If you’re lucky you find enough in common to stay happy with the same person even as you both evolve over the years and decades. But we can only really help you suss out how you feel now.

So here is the question we’d ask: how do you feel when he’s NOT around? When you’re in a relationship, rather than worry about how well you get along every minute (since you may think: we fight, we don’t like the same TV shows. He likes Mexican food and I like Japanese food. We are different…) look at the big picture. Does it work? Do you like him, not just love him? The question isn’t how to merge more, but what do you feel when he is out of the picture, even temporarily, on a trip or away from you for some reason? They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. If this isn’t the case, it should tell you something. Do you have more fun when he’s around? Do you enjoy yourself more without him? Catherine says: collect data, regarding how you feel. I’d take the less scientific approach and say: when he’s out of the house, do you miss him? Or are you ecstatic? A little private time is great, we realize, but imagine he were out of your life… better or worse? If you can see yourself happy without him, maybe take a break. But if what you are looking for is the perfect fit, the other half to your self, that may not be realistic.

Check out the Venn Diagram on our Cheat Sheet page. It explains our point of view toward romantic relationships. You want to overlap and have things in common and love each other but you can have your own “space” as well in a healthy relationship. Think of yourselves as two whole people coming together (like a Venn Diagram), but still whole (each one a full circle) and great on your own. Maybe take a girls’ weekend and spend some time with friends but not with each other. When you re-unite it should tell you something: happy to be back? Or thinking: I wish I could have stayed away longer! Be complete, be yourself, and then overlap and see how it feels.