So... rather than stay up and write this blog about how my work/office feels messy (so much to do, so many projects I want to finish, both at work and in my home office... like another book!) then there's the bathroom, where I've gained a few pounds, been injured and stress eating, and the kids rooms where I need to make more time to get to their crew races and check in on my daughter's academic ups and downs (though she wants to be left alone about this, to fix it herself!)... Then there's the bedroom where honestly sometimes I get so tired my pillow is the most attractive thing in view... we've all been there, so if my hubby reads this, forgive me honey, since you are still/always my number one... it's just that darn pillow is calling my name!

Then there's the irony that just when I feel overwhelmed and exhausted others see me as having it together. I raced well this weekend, after weeks of injuries. Others see the results, and I see the work I still have to do to get back in to the shape I know I can be in! So... of course the very day I am set to skype into a book club and offer advice, I feel I need it. Need to reread my own book, need to lean on the supportive friends around me (thank goodness for them!) and need most of all to take better care of myself. So, as I said, going to bed! Things always seem easier and brighter when I'm rested! Night all. Take care of YOURselves as well.

My key proccess: too much of a good thing (work, training, trying to be a super achiever) is a bad thing (I get run down and overwhelmed). My pearl: Know your limits. Saying no isn't selfish, it's self preservation. Night!

A fun contest is underway to win a signed copy of The Nine Rooms of Happiness! This week, you can follow one of follow all of us on Twitter for the chance to win a signed copy The Nine Rooms of Happiness by Lucy Danziger and Catherine Birndorf: @selfmagazine, @lucydanziger, @cbirndorfmd, @hyperionvoice, @shrevewilliams.

Retweet or reply to one of two daily pearls (hashtag #9roomsgiveaway) for a chance to win every day during the week of February 21*.

*One winer will be chosen at random from all retweets and replies between 12am and 11:59pm every day beginning February 21st and concluding February 25th.

Its time for me to get out of my basement and be more aware of how to live in the present, enjoy today, and the grown teenagers who no longer share the same holidays as each other (or me at times since my shipping of the magazine doesn't stop for their spring break) and I think: snap out of it. Yes, those were great times, despite the discomforts, but there are great times to be had now.

I'm on my way to LA to appear on TV for the book, The Talk, on CBS, is hosting me and I am so grateful for the chance to help other women be happier in their day to day lives. My husband is coming too, for a business meeting so these are good times. After all, I saw my scrumptuous daughter yesterday, and my 17-year-old son recently, so the fact that we aren't all together on a chairlift is just fine. I have to pinch myself and say: life is good. Now is it. That's the pearl from the basement. Live in the present and think: Now is it!

Share your pearls with us on Twitter and you could win a signed book from us. Please, we all need your pearls. You are the expert in your own experience. Share it!

http://balance-today.com/2011/02/happiness-part-2-the-basement/comment-page-1/#comment-267

This is a great day to decide to clean up your act and renew your resolutions. But first, ask yourself: Why didn't you stick to them the last time? Probably because you had "exterior motivations" of getting slim, saving money, etc. Instead, try to think more from the inside out, starting with an emotional motivator that means more to you than a size on the back tag of your jeans.

My first piece of advice: Do it from a place of being kind to yourself. Don't hate and punish yourself by dragging yourself out of bed with less than seven hours' sleep and going to the gym. Sleep in. Be rested, eat well, treat yourself to berries and a lovely fish dinner, and then, only when you're feeling rested and fueled, go work out. Think of it as a way of banishing the blahs: Treat yourself to the things that will pay you back. At SELF we say that "health is the new handbag," and what we mean by that is: Invest in your health and well-being. Do it for you!

The exterior will reflect the interior, meaning happiness will lead to healthiness, if you start from a place of wanting to be the best you, inside and out. Want to be happier? Less stressed? More calm? Find purpose in your work and relationships? These are goals that allow you to truly change from within. Whatever is stressing you out can wait for an hour while you go take a swim, a walk, a yoga class. Whoever bummed you out or pissed you off today doesn't deserve the headspace that will drive you to the cupboard to munch on the wrong foods, late at night, as you think about the conflicts of your day. Let those things be exterior, roll off you, and then tell yourself that you can and will tackle them tomorrow. But today, take care of yourself. Only you can do that!

Why don't "resolutions" work? Because they are too sweeping, all-encompassing, draconian and usually negative. As in: I'll get to the gym every day! I'll swear off sugar! I'll be more organized. Well, those are great impulses, but to be kind to yourself sometimes you have to skip the early morning call time, have a sweet and let the ugly stack of bills sit there for another night while you watch Biggest Loser or American Idolwith your honey, just for fun!

People always think, "If I lost a few sizes, got in shape, I'd be happier." But the truth is, if you got a little happier, you'd stop all the self-destructive habits and get healthier. Resolutions don't work because you don't hate yourself enough to punish yourself with grim gyms and tasteless diet foods. If you like yourself, which most of us do, then treat yourself to healthy foods like fresh berries and yogurt for breakfast, salmon or salad for lunch, and a healthy dinner that doesn't involve fried greasy takeout.

So on Take Two Tuesday, first cut yourself a break and get sleep, then treat yourself right to the best fresh food you can find, and if you feel like working out, do it. But go to bed early, to start a positive chain reaction. Now that wasn't so hard, was it?

Too busy to take this simple advice? Think of this: The airlines say put on your own oxygen mask first, because if you collapse you're no good to anyone around you. The key process here is "too much of a good thing is a bad thing," meaning that by giving too much to everyone else around you (boss, spouse, kids, friends, etc), you end up with no time or energy to take care of the inner or outer you. So many of us fall into the trap of defining being successful as taking care of the house, the car the kids the job and all the things we own. We need to take care of ourselves, both our inner and outer selves. It's not selfish to make time or invest in your health and happiness. It's self-preservation.

You deserve to be healthy and happy. For more tips on how to be happier and healthier from the inside out, check out the tips in the book I coauthored with SELF expert Catherine Birndorf, M.D., The Nine Rooms of Happiness: Loving Your Self, Finding Your Purpose and Getting Over Life's Little Imperfections.

But it's not always so easy, so simple, so linear. There are setbacks, like a deblitating hamstring injury that had me not running for almost two months in March and April. And then there are days when work is tough, there is too much to do, I miss a key swim because my hair needs to be smooth (i know, sounds so silly but there it is: vanity and the need to look polished can override the need to train and get in the pool). 

There are days when I fight with my teenage daughter, don't connect with my son, barely see my husband. Or virtually hang up on a parent who seems to not understand the sentence "I have to call you back!" Or I'm abrupt at work, leave the dishes in the sink and turn to chocolate or cookies, or any living carb as comfort. There are days I can't keep my fingers away from my face (resulting in blemishes that last four times longer than they should) or I say the wrong things or I don't say the right things or I forget to ask a friend about her ailing parent, her life, he kids, or I fail, yet again, to remember her birthday.

I can be as hard on myself as the next person and there are times, more than a few, when people have to remind me to reread my own book. That I am still beating myself up and not using the great strategies devised by Catherine and me to help women deal with just such needling inner conflict. I know to do this, and don't.

And yet. And yet as I write this I think: this is too grim a picture! Your self-depricating b.s. only goes so far before it sounds hollow. I like my life, I even like myself, despite the obvious flaws and inevitable downfalls (and the recent 10 pound weight gain that has crept on since the July-August peak of fitness and slimness post-big-race.) I even know that when I'm down on myself it's to good avail. I don't need to remind myself and others that a little self-criticism goes a LONG way toward sparking positive change. Feel fat? Go for a run!  A LOT of self criticism does not. It just buries you until you literally have to throw it off like a cloack and feel the lightness of being, without all that baggage.

So here is my birthday thought: not every year is a banner year. Not every day is perfect. Not ever moment will you be at your best all around peak in one way or another. And guess what? THAT IS FINE. It/s the human condition, to want to grow and change and evolve and to do so you have to be dissatisfied with SOMETHING or you'd sit there and do nothing. It's also the point of the book. You never have all rooms neat and tidy at once. If you did, I like to point out you'd be the most loathsome person anyone could know, so you're living room would be a mess, since you'd have no friends.

Here is my birthday wishL to have a great year, and by that I mean make the most of my opportunities, as a magazine editor, as an author, as a wife, as a mother, as a friend, sister, daughter, boss and yes, triathlete, since I like doing that sport and it keeps me on track in all the other areas. 

I want to be the best I can be in any given moment. But that doesnt mean perfect by any means. And I hope when I'm lacking you help me get it together. We need each other. Anyone who pretends different is just insecure and unwilling to admit it. Another reason I love being on a team: we bring each other our strengths and help minimize each other's weakness. I now try to do this in my worklife and homelife and in my own head.

So happy thoughts go out to all and each of you. Thanks for reading. And good luck with your own journey along the path to being your best self. Remember, it's a moving target. And that's a good thing! Because you are always going to want to be better, just try to be happy with the goodness that is you, right now. And I will too.

Welcome to the mid-January blahs — those slow weeks after all those good intentions, where the going gets tougher and even the toughest just want to lie on the couch and flip channels at night. I am one of them, and I am here to tell you: it’s okay to have lazy days and tired mornings. But it’s also possible to knit together these relaxation sojourns with healthy habits so that you’re at the place you want to be: living the life you want, loving the life you have, and getting in the best shape of your life.

Before we begin, though, a thought about the idea of resolutions. No one says they have to all start on January 1st. You get to reboot and refresh every Monday — or even every day — since the randomness of that date is no more or less powerful than any other. As someone for whom resolutions never work, I’d say this: Think positively about a goal, a broader desire to be healthier, fitter, slimmer, happier, save money, or be more organized. If you slip up (as we all do,) give yourself permission to start over. (I call it Mulligan Monday, or Take-Two Tuesday, Why-Not Wednesday, This-is-it Thursday, or Free-to-be Friday). Whatever you want to call it, just start now and keep going on your new track to a better, happier you.

What’s the best way to achieve your goals? For one thing, don’t be so hard on yourself. Instead of thinking, “I have to get to the gym every day,” or ” I am never touching another morsel of chocolate again,” quiet the inner-negative monologue and allow yourself some leeway. As I note in my bookThe Nine Rooms of Happiness, what you can’t change is your desire to succeed – i.e., the resolutions you made ten days ago. But you can allow yourself some slack, think more positively about the progress you are making, and not get discouraged when you have a minor setback. Just keep going, and you will achieve your goals!

Here’s what works for me:

1. When you’re tired, sleep. The first rule of thumb for all of us is that a tired machine is one that’s running on empty. Therefore, the best idea is to get some shuteye, so you don’t roam through your day looking for alternate fuel sources — namely sugar. When I find myself trolling for afternoon sweets, I know the drill: get to bed early tonight and sleep in tomorrow. So enjoy it: A guilt-free late morning, compliments of me.

2. Get out of bed after you are adequately rested and put on your gym clothes. I lay them out the night before so that I can hop straight into running tights, sneakers, fleece, mittens and a hat and head straight out the door to my run. The coffee is made, and I drink half of it before the exercise session and half after. I fuel up with something like a half a banana, so I’m out there and awake enough to put one foot in front of the other — but not awake enough to talk myself out of it. This is a great way to super-charge your day: you think, you breathe, you relax and you exercise (preferably to a favorite playlist.) And when you’re back and showering, there is simply nothing like knowing, I did it!

3. Think of the one thing you can do right now, in the next five minutes, to up your happiness. For me, it’s banging out a blog entry, reading a manuscript that’s overdue, or answering the three thank you notes that I haven’t written yet — just to feel like I got something accomplished and can strike it off my to-do list. I also keep another, bigger life list in my head: plan a great trip with the family, save more money, give back to charity, find a memorable experience to share with someone who is closest to me. Looking back on last year, think of the moments that brought you the most joy. Now think about how to bring more of those moments into your life, on a daily, weekly or monthly basis.

4. Laugh. This sounds trite as I write it, but it’s just the simplest, most important thing you can do every day. Is your workplace an anxiety-pressure-cooker? Tell a joke, make a self-deprecating or funny gesture, do something to cut the tension and enjoy the zaniness of it all. Because even in the most difficult of situations, it’s important to realize we are all human. We work for a paycheck, but also for a meaningful engagement in something bigger than ourselves. Keeping perspective, whether it’s at home when the toddler throws her dinner on the floor, at work when meetings grind on, or after work when your spouse and you sit over a stack of bills, you have to understand that you can’t always control what’s happening around you. But you can always control how you react. Try to find the humor — or at least, the humanity in it all.

5. Focus on the good stuff, not the mess. The mess I refer to here is metaphorical. To wit, some of the rooms of your emotional house may be neat, and some may be strewn with clutter. But when you think about it, you have much to be thankful for, even when the day-to-day messes feel like they rob our happiness in every single room. Want to lose weight? Then close the door on the bathroom (leaving the scale inside!) and think about the places that are joyful: the family room, where you are loving your visit from your grown sibling; the kitchen, where you can create healthful meals to help you achieve your fitness goal. In this way, focusing on the good will help you to conquer the bad!

In The Nine Rooms we call such memories "screen memories' since Freud found his patients would screen or filter their entire life's events through the childhood traumas and pain that were unforgettable, and we think they are like movie memories playing in technicolor in the screen of the brain. Catherine would tell patients that it's important to revisit them, the way Halle is "healing" through her work for the shelter and other women, and that this is called "re-metabolizing" the memories or processing them anew, from a mature standpoint and understanding that perhaps things could be different now if you choose not to participate in the dynamic of the relationship that is causing you harm. It's a choice and she is urging women to choose to leave. The point is that once you make such a decision, you pack those memories away in the basement and return to the rest of your emotional house and live your life today. Now is it, we'd offer as our "takeaway" pearl and if you carry the past as baggage with  you it can weigh you down. So get back to the house and enjoy life today. Which brings us to the future, or the New Year.

In the week between Christmas and NEw Year it's a wrenching time of expectations and hoping to please the right person with the just the right gift and then you have to turn a corner and launch into the brand new year, with the hopes and dreams of your future one step away from happening. You literally wake up and it's tomorrow and you failed to think about what it is you want and expect and hope to accomplish (no, a drunken resolution at 11:35 the night of New Years Eve doesn't count).

I'd toast women who are reinventing themselves in this moment: Sandra Bullock, from married to a jerk , to a mommy with a production company and new love in her life (who is about three feet tall and adorably cuddly). Also Gwyneth Paltrow, who emerged from the aloof recesses of a sequestered star life into the limelight, singing and dancing on Glee and putting herself out there as a double threat in COuntry Strong. No porcelain breakable diva here, she is literally having the time of her life, and 2011 will see the publication of her first cookbook and more movies and music to come.

The key process in this room, of moving ahead and finding meaning in your work and your relationships and your life is something we call: Not to decide is to decide. Meaning if you are unhappy in any part of your life, move ahead, be fearless, and take the leap. If you don't your decision is, to stay. To be stuck and then we would warn you that you are indeed deciding to like it rather than lump it. The takeaway here is a little pearl we call: Go or grow. Meaning go along with the status quo (job sucks, relationship unfulfilling, life kind of blah) or grow and become the person you want to be. If Gwyneth can sing, we would ask, what can you do? And what are you waiting for? Make 2011 the year you find out.